From 'Sorry' to 'Not Sorry': The Epidemic Of The Fake Apology

Introduction: The Rise of the Fake Apology

There was a time when an apology meant genuine regret, a sincere acknowledgment of wrongdoing. Now, whether at an interpersonal or corporate level, it’s more of a PR exercise, a well-rehearsed performance crafted to sidestep blame while ticking the ‘remorse’ checkbox. Enter the fake apology—a linguistic loophole that lets people pretend they care while taking zero accountability.

We see them everywhere:

• Your mate who "apologises" but somehow makes you the bad guy.

• The ex who says "I’m really sorry" before immediately launching into "But you have to understand…" (spoiler alert: they’re not sorry).

• Celebrities rolling out non-apology apologies like they're reading from a "How to Save Your Career" manual.

• Corporate apologies so vague they might as well have been generated by ChatGPT on sleep mode.

In this post, we’re breaking down fake apologies examples, how to tell if an apology is fake, and most importantly—how to respond to a fake apology like a pro. Let’s get into it.

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“I’m Really Sorry… That You’re Upset” – The Anatomy of a Fake Apology

Here’s a revolutionary thought: an apology is supposed to be about taking responsibility. Wild, right? Yet most apologies today are nothing more than a linguistic escape room, carefully designed to sound remorseful while dodging all accountability. Whether it’s shifting blame, making excuses, or subtly gaslighting the offended party, they all share a common goal—protecting the person apologising rather than addressing the harm done. These apologies are carefully worded to avoid admitting wrongdoing while maintaining a thin illusion of regret.

4 Classic Fake Apologies

1. The Blame-Shift Apology

   "I’m sorry you feel that way." (Translation: This is actually your fault for feeling things.)

2. The Excuse-A-Pology

   "I didn’t mean it like that!" (Translation: Your interpretation is the real problem here.)

3. The Self-Victimisation Special

   "I guess I’m just a terrible person!" (Translation: Comfort me, because I’m now the real victim.)

4. The Obligation Apology

   "Fine, I’m sorry. Happy now?" (Translation: I still don’t think I did anything wrong, but I’ll say whatever makes you shut up.

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The Science of Spotting a Fake Apology

How do you know when you’re being fed a steaming pile of fake sorry? Simple—watch for these red flags:

• Lack of specific wrongdoing – "I regret what happened." What happened, mate? Name it. We dare you.
• Zero actual remorse – "I hope we can all move forward." Ah yes, let’s all pretend nothing happened. Great idea.
• Victim-blaming – "I would never intentionally hurt anyone." Oh, well then. Clearly, intentions matter more than actual damage.
• The ‘Too Many Words’ Syndrome – Apologies should be short and direct. If the apology is longer than a short story, it’s a cover-up.

Spotting a fake apology isn’t just about the words—it’s also about the delivery. Body language often betrays insincerity before a single syllable is spoken. Here’s what to watch for:

• Lack of Eye Contact – Real remorse makes people uncomfortable, but someone delivering a fake apology might look everywhere except at you.
• Arms Crossed or Defensive Posture – A closed-off stance often signals resistance rather than regret.
• Forced Smile or Smirking – A genuine apology doesn’t come with a smirk. If they look like they’re trying not to laugh, they probably don’t mean it.
• Rushed or Mumbled Words – If the apology is hurried through like a rehearsed speech, chances are it’s just that—rehearsed.

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The PR Playbook: How Celebrities and Companies Master the Fake Apology

Public figures have fake apologies down to a science. The PR Playbook includes:

• The Passive Voice Cop-Out

  "Mistakes were made." (Translation: No one's really at fault, so let's move on.)

• The ‘Hard Time for Me’ Pity Party

  "I’ve learned so much from this." (Translation: Please feel bad for me, the real victim here.)

• The “I Will Do Better” Promise

  "I am committed to listening and learning." (Translation: Until this blows over in 48 hours.)

• The Blame the Team Tactic

  "This does not reflect the values of my organisation." (Translation: The people I hired messed up, not me.)

• The Deflective Distraction

  "Let’s focus on moving forward." (Translation: I’d rather not discuss the past, aka my mistakes.)

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Why Corporate Apologies Are the Worst Kind of Fake Apology

Corporate apologies follow a simple formula: say a lot, mean nothing, move on. They exist to protect profits, reputations, and shareholders—not to offer genuine remorse. Why are they the worst kind of fake apology? Because they condition us to accept meaningless words over real accountability. Companies get away with scandals, and we all just move on, waiting for the next PR disaster.

A great corporate apology does the following:

• Avoids admitting direct responsibility – No company wants legal trouble, so they dance around real blame.

• Uses vague, passive language – "Mistakes were made" is a corporate favourite because it assigns blame to no one.

• Focuses on future actions – "We will do better" sounds great but rarely means anything.

• Frames the company as the victim – "This has been a difficult time for us" subtly shifts sympathy their way.

The entire structure of corporate messaging is designed to mitigate legal liability, appease investors, and control public perception rather than acknowledge actual wrongdoing. These apologies are strategically crafted with vague language, avoiding any direct admission of fault. Instead, they deflect blame onto external factors, such as 'miscommunication' or 'unforeseen circumstances,' ensuring that responsibility

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The Fake Apology Hall of Shame

Some apologies are so botched, so obviously fake, that they deserve to be studied as examples of how not to say sorry. Here are three of the most ridiculous real-life fake apologies from British politicians, celebrities, and corporations.

Politicians

1. Boris Johnson’s “Partygate” Apology – After being caught attending lockdown-breaking gatherings, Johnson initially denied wrongdoing before issuing a limp apology: "I deeply regret the things we didn’t get right," which conveniently ignored the fact that what they "didn’t get right" was breaking the law.

2. Tony Blair’s Iraq War ‘Apology’ – Blair "accepted responsibility" for the war but stopped short of admitting any wrongdoing, instead focusing on how "difficult" his decisions were. Instead of acknowledging the lies about weapons of mass destruction or the destabilisation of Iraq, he framed himself as a tortured decision-maker burdened by impossible choices.

3. David Cameron’s Brexit Regret – After leading the UK into the Brexit vote and promptly resigning, Cameron later said he was "sorry for the uncertainty," as if the chaos that followed was some sort of unexpected weather event rather than a direct consequence of his actions.

4. Matt Hancock’s Affair Apology – Caught breaking COVID restrictions while having an affair, Hancock delivered a painfully robotic, "I have let people down and I am very sorry," with the emotional depth of a malfunctioning chatbot. His vacant stare, monotone voice, and bizarrely forced fake tears made it look more like an AI-generated apology than an actual expression of remorse.

Celebrities

1. Hugh Grant’s ‘I Only Did It Because I Was Famous’ Apology – After his 1995 arrest for soliciting a sex worker in Los Angeles, Grant apologised on a talk show by essentially blaming fame for his actions, rather than taking genuine responsibility.

2. James Corden’s Restaurant Ban Apology – After being called out by a New York restaurant for rude and entitled behaviour towards staff, Corden initially denied everything. However, when the restaurant doubled down on their claims, he suddenly shifted to a carefully worded non-apology, stating, "I didn’t do anything wrong, on any level. But I do feel so zen about the whole thing."

3. John Terry’s ‘Misunderstood’ Apology – After being accused of using racist language towards Anton Ferdinand during a match, Terry's non-apology centred around claiming that his words were "misinterpreted" rather than acknowledging the real issue at hand, despite being found guilty by the FA.

Corporations

1. P&O Ferries’ Mass Layoff Apology – After firing 800 employees via a pre-recorded video message, P&O issued an apology that expressed "deep regret" but not a single ounce of responsibility, blaming "challenging circumstances" instead.

2. British Airways’ Data Breach Apology – Following a major data hack that leaked customer information, BA apologised with the classic "we take your privacy very seriously" line—after having failed to do so.

3. Tesco’s Horse Meat Scandal Apology – When horse meat was found in their "beef" products, Tesco issued a weak apology stating, "We sincerely regret that this happened," as though they were passive bystanders rather than the company responsible for selling mislabeled meat.

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Conclusion: Stop Accepting "Sorry" as a Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Card

Fake apologies are the real pandemic, and we need to stop letting people (and brands) off the hook. Demand real accountability, or better yet—hand them a laminated card that says, "Try Again."

And hey, if anyone was offended by this blog post, I deeply regret any distress this may have caused. 😉

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