Mind Your Manners: The Rise and Fall of Please and Thank You

From Grunts to Gratitude: The Birth of Politeness

Picture this: a group of cavemen is dragging a freshly hunted mammoth back to the cave. Grog wants a hand but realises that clubbing Zog over the head every time he needs help isn’t a sustainable long-term strategy. Thus, the grunt-equivalent of “please” is born – a polite way to ask without risking a retaliatory clubbing. When the mammoth arrives home, Zog gets a hearty grunt of gratitude. Grog’s tribe flourishes. The club-happy tribe next door? Extinct.

“Please” and “thank you” aren’t just niceties – they were the original survival hacks. Those magic words turned chaos into cooperation, sparking the first glimmers of civilised society. Politeness: humanity’s first true innovation.

A Timeline of Politeness: Highlights Through History

Politeness didn’t stop at the cave – it evolved with humanity. Here’s how manners shaped the world, one “please” and “thank you” at a time:

• Ancient Egypt

  Hieroglyphs didn’t just record epic battles and gods – they also captured gratitude. Pharaohs knew that pleasing the gods required proper deference. “Please bless the crops” and “Thank you for not sending locusts” were probably frequent prayers.

• Feudal Japan

  Samurai practised bowing rituals so elaborate they made yoga look like child’s play. A perfectly executed bow was the ultimate “thank you” – though failing to return the gesture properly could result in an “off with your head” situation.

• Ancient Greece

  Politeness wasn’t just a virtue; it was a philosophy. The Greeks valued areté (excellence), which included treating others with respect. Socrates probably said “thank you” for every cup of hemlock handed to him – manners, even in death.

• Medieval Europe

  Knights were chivalrous, but not without their quirks. Before charging into battle, they’d exchange pleasantries like “Pray thee, strike not mine face!” Post-duel, even the loser got a gracious “Well fought, Sir Clumsy!”

• The Renaissance

  Diplomacy blossomed during this time, with “please” and “thank you” travelling across languages. Elizabethan court manners could make or break alliances – and possibly heads.

• Modern-Day Britain

  Politeness evolved into an art form. Brits mastered the passive-aggressive “thank you” email and perfected the “please” that carries barely concealed rage when asking a queue-cutter to step aside.

The Etymology of Politeness: Where “Please” and “Thank You” Come From

“Please”: The Art of Pleading for Cooperation

“Please” traces back to the Latin placere, meaning “to please or be agreeable,” and by Roman times, it was already a tool for softening requests. Back then, the stakes were high – forget to add a little deference to a request, and you might find yourself banished, imprisoned, or worse. For example, a Roman servant wouldn’t just demand bread; they’d couch it in deference: si tibi placet – “if it pleases you.” Of course, this was less about politeness and more about not getting flogged, but the principle was there.

“Thank You”: A Nod to Thoughtfulness

The phrase “thank you” itself has roots in the Latin tongere, meaning “to think.” By saying gratia tibi ago (“I give you thanks”), Romans acknowledged not only the deed but the intention behind it. It wasn’t just “thanks for the bread”; it was “thanks for thinking of feeding me so I don’t starve.”

Politeness in Decline: From Universal Virtue to Optional Extra

If history is a tribute to the power of politeness, modern life seems to be staging its rebellion. Once the bedrock of civilised society, “please” and “thank you” are increasingly absent from everyday interactions – and we’re all feeling the effects.

Think about it: how often do you hear these words in public spaces? Customer service workers, for example, are treated less like people and more like automated systems. A coffee shop barista might hand over a perfectly crafted flat white, only to be met with a grunt or, worse, silence.

Then there’s the workplace. Slack messages and emails have stripped conversation down to its barest bones. Polite phrases like “Could you please look into this?” are often replaced with abrupt directives like “Need this now.” This transactional tone seeps into office culture, leaving collaboration and goodwill in the dust.

And let’s not even talk about driving. The thank-you wave – a once-universal gesture of gratitude between motorists – has all but vanished, replaced by honks, scowls, and the occasional middle finger.

The decline of politeness isn’t just an aesthetic loss; it’s a societal one. Manners build trust, strengthen relationships, and remind us that other people exist as something more than obstacles to our goals. Without them, the social fabric frays, leaving us isolated, irritated, and a little less human.

Why Manners Matter at Work

The workplace is where you spend most of your waking hours, so it’s worth making it a place where people actually want to be. Politeness isn’t just about being “nice”; it’s the secret sauce for productive, collaborative, and less soul-crushing work environments.

Start with the basics: a simple “please” when asking for help can turn a tense interaction into a team-building moment. A genuine “thank you” after someone helps you out shows that you see their contribution as more than just part of their job description – it’s a recognition of effort, and that’s worth its weight in gold.

Then there’s the wild world of workplace communication. Take emails, for example. While everyone else is playing “Who can be the most curt and robotic?”, a polite message sets you apart. Imagine getting this: “Let me know if this works for you, please.” It’s approachable, clear, and much better than the demanding, deadline-drenched chaos of “Need this by end of day.” Politeness doesn’t just get the job done – it makes people want to help you.

And let’s not forget Slack, the modern office’s loudest, least organised conversation pit. When tensions rise (as they inevitably do when someone tags you unnecessarily in 37 messages), a calm, polite response can stop a Slack meltdown in its tracks. “Could you clarify this for me, please?” works wonders, even when you’re seething. Politeness lets you lead by example, even in the middle of digital chaos.

Politeness in the workplace isn’t a weakness – it’s your stealthy advantage. It builds trust, fosters collaboration, and turns frustrating days into productive ones. When manners are in play, the workplace stops feeling like a battlefield and starts feeling like a team effort.

The Digital Battlefield: Politeness in the Age of Emojis

The internet is where manners go to die – or at least where they’re put on life support. Social media, text messages, and comment sections seem to have embraced rudeness as their default setting, but politeness is more powerful than you think in this digital jungle.

Let’s talk about one-word replies. You send a thoughtful message, maybe with a question or two, and you get back: “K.” Or worse: “Sure.” These micro-messages are the digital equivalent of shrugging at someone mid-conversation. Tossing in a quick “thanks” or “please” transforms a curt response into something that actually feels human.

Social media platforms are even trickier. Scroll through the comments on any post, and it’s a battlefield of snark and negativity. Yet a simple “Thank you for sharing this perspective” can stand out like a ray of sunshine through a storm of rage-filled takes. Sure, you might not change the algorithm, but you’ll definitely stand out in the best way possible.

Pro tip: Emojis are your secret weapon. A thumbs-up emoji paired with a “Thanks for sharing!” can disarm even the most combative corners of the internet. It’s like saying, “I’m polite and relatable,” which is practically a superpower online.

A Call to Action: The Politeness Revolution

It’s easy to dismiss manners as old-fashioned, but they’re the secret sauce to a better world. Think about it: cavemen used grunts of gratitude to survive mammoth hunts. Empires were built on courteous negotiations. Even now, society depends on “please” and “thank you” to stop us all from turning into entitled gobshites.

Here’s the challenge: revive politeness in your corner of the world. Say “thank you” to the bus driver, “please” to your grumpy colleague, and maybe even teach your kids that manners aren’t just for grandparents. Small acts of politeness can snowball into big changes – and who knows? Maybe we’ll all stop being such muppets.

Because if humanity’s history has taught us one thing, it’s this: without “please” and “thank you,” we’re just cavemen with smartphones.

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